A New Beginning
June 27th: 10 pm give or take.
It’s not the most I’ve ever weighed but it also isn’t where I was expecting to be right about now.
There was a wagon that I was on recently and then I took a suicide dive off of it into the land of cookies and chips.
I don’t fall off the wagon nor do I cheat on my diet. I sabotage myself and destroy all progress I previously made and climb in a hole of self pity and doubt and refuse to allow myself to fight out of it.
I know that today is June 29th but when I decided that this is the path I was taking this is how I ended my evening. My next post will be down a couple of pounds because I have started making some changes.
You see, I've been battling being a big fat ass for most of my life. There have been times where I have been very unhappy with the way I look and feel but most of the time I just have accepted being fat as a part of who I am. I have fat in my family. I had gone through a period where I made excuses for being overweight - Oh it's my asthma. It's pretty hard to get in proper exercise when you can't breathe. However those were really just excuses and I have come to a point in my life where I am willing to admit that as it is.
I am fat because I like food and I love to eat. I love to eat a lot of things that are bad for me and I love to eat them all the bloody time. I will stuff my face full of chips and cookies and ice cream and candy day in and day out and think nothing of it. If I were honestly to cut out the snacks (again) the weight would start melting off of me because the rest of the day I don't actually eat a whole lot.
Today, for instance, I did a whole lot of work around the house but basically all I ate was a double cheeseburger that I grilled up. Yesterday was more of the same. We did a bunch of stuff around the house, we had breakfast as a family and we ate dinner as a family. Nothing in between, no snacks. I already know that I've lost weight since 274.4 (I know this because I've checked the scale).
As much as I want to I cannot resign to this blog being a daily thing. I will weigh myself daily and I will share those daily weigh-ins but as for getting time to sit down and pound out some nonsense on the keyboard I just don't have the time or energy to dedicate to it truly being a daily activity. So, instead I will put my best foot forward and I will make sure that at least once a week I will post an update with a bunch of words and other times I will check in just with pictures of my weight loss progress and maybe a few words of wisdom. Once a week posting is easy and I feel like I will do more than that but I am committing to once a week.
Now, here we are a few hundred words later and I haven't actually gotten into the current meat and potatoes of this whole thing.
This is NOT a weight loss blog (currently). This is a blog where I am attempting to fight my demons and develop self control.
Right now my biggest issue is snacking outside of my home. My 2nd job has a dedicated snack cabinet that I am free to jump into whenever I feel like it. My main job stresses me the hell out and I often hit up some chocolate and peanut butter combination or walk across the parking lot for some tasty ice cream when I'm feeling really annoyed. So this blog is going to start out as me fighting these demons and getting myself under control with a side effect of losing weight in the progress.
So, I will be posting the link to this in my social media circles and I am hoping that I get some of you to actually read and give me some sort of feedback in the comments section (the most likely place I am going to read it) or any other means really. Feedback is feedback and I guess it really doesn't matter where it comes from or how it shows up.
I do know I'm not winning this battle alone which is why I'm putting this out there.
I put some money on the line with the domain purchase to give me more incentive to push forward even when I don't feel like it.
What you will get from me here is: Goals, Honesty and probably some feelings.
Within the next couple of days I'm going to take a really gross photo of myself without a shirt so that the world can see what a fat-ass I really am, but more importantly so that I can take similar photos as time moves on and I can see what progress I am actually making.
I've got a couple of shirts that I want to get into and as such my goals will be based on getting back into some clothes that I have kept around just in case I ever accidentally lose a lot of weight and get back to where I was in high-school (or more recently, my wedding weight).
As for tonight - I'm waiting for my toddler to fall asleep so that I can take us both to bed and I can get my nightly weigh-in.
If you made it this far you are truly appreciated.