Fighting Your Demons

Last night while driving home I really wanted to stop and get some ice cream.  It wasn't an overwhelming desire but the thought was there creeping into my head.  I told myself that I wasn't losing the battle here and to just keep driving.  By the time I got to the normal place where I would stop the thought had left my mind and the temptation was completely gone.

This morning was an entirely different scenario.

I woke up at 6 am and before I even realized my alarm was going off (it had been making noise for over two minutes at this point) I felt the headache encasing me.

Literally my first thought was that I would not be completing my fast for the day because I was going to pick up a couple of energy drinks and some garbage to eat to help alleviate the pain I was feeling.

I haven't had a lot of headaches in the past year or so but my go-to gut reaction when I wake up with one, especially one that felt almost overwhelming like this morning, is to grab some energy drinks from the 7-Eleven and eat a chocolate bar to help make the feeling go away. 

These are the routines that I am working to break and the ones that will be the hardest.  My immediate reaction is basically self destructive behavior that I have developed over the second half of my life.  Energy drinks are my pacifier.

Tired? Energy Drink.
Have to wake up early? Energy Drink.
Have a headache? Energy Drink.
Need to power through the work day? Energy Drink.
Driving to California for vacation? Energy Drinks

It is there, it is ingrained in my DNA at this point.  My automatic reaction is to reach for the energy drink because I have become dependant on it.  In fact, before the energy drink was unlimited amounts of Mt Dew which I have been abusing since high-school.  Twenty-five plus years of bad habits will not die overnight and that is another reason why I am setting out on this journey.

I have two weeks of hurdles coming at me to end this month and we will see how strong my will power is.  I am driving to California for a short family vacation to the beach and when we get back I will be working a week of overnights.   I'm not promising that I won't cave at some point and have an energy drink or two but I will continue to do my best and improve every single day.

So, yes, this morning was a struggle.  By the time I weighed in, got dressed and made it downstairs I talked myself into drinking a lot of water, taking some tylenol and seeing if I could get the headache to a manageable level before I had to head out to work.  As long as I was feeling better by the time I left I felt that I should be able to finish my third day of fasting.

Here I sit (started typing this around 11 am) with a big flavored water (zero calories, no sugar) and eating my greek yogurt with some honey and granola which I think is going to be my go-to first meal of the day after a good fast.   Yesterday I had the same thing and (well, and a piece of homemade baklava that was brought into the office for celebration) I wasn't hungry again for several hours.

Determination and will power.  I am going to need a lot of both of these to make it through July and I feel as long as I make it through the first month it should be pretty easy sailing from there (or at least easier.  It has to get easier right?)

Thank you all for coming along with me on this life changing journey.  I love and appreciate all of you!



  1. Energy Drink are so delicious but provide nothing of value. I to need to work on holding off although I only drink them on the weekends. I have been turning to Zip Fizz as my replacement.

    1. When I drove from Erie PA to Vegas I lived off of Superman energy drinks and I can't even remember who made them.
      They did not taste great but they were cheaper than Red Bulls.
      If Energy drinks stayed like that I wouldn't have the problem that I currently have.
      However, there are more energy drink brands and flavors than there are soda's at the gas stations (where I do most of my shopping). Just typing this right now is making me thirsty!

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  3. I've been drinking waaaay too many energy drinks recently, albeit sugar free ones so I suppose that's something.

    Even so, after one or two of these per day I find myself lagging come mid afternoon to the point of what I can only describe as being borderline narcolepsy!

    I'm trying to replace this with water to help me feel more alert naturally. Plus trying to reaffirm that the artificial sweeteners are very counter productive to my weight loss goals.

    1. That is exactly how I was felling as well. I was drinking too many (mostly sugar free) but I kept feeling drained and like I needed more to get some sort of energy to make it through the day. Now that I have cut them out and am mainly drinking water every single day I, oddly enough, have more energy and don't feel the need to reach for an energy drink every 13 minutes.
      I am taking other forms of caffeine because I am addicted but the soda's and energy drinks are gone and I honestly don't miss them (which is weird for me).

      Thanks for commenting


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