Paying for a Mistake

Today at my office job a very happy client sent over this amazing box of gourmet cookies.  I've been doing great at avoiding junk food and my hunger has been under control but something in me got excited when I saw these cookies.

One of my co-workers cut down the middle of a chocolate chip cookie and it looked ooey and gooey and warm and moist and the chocolate looked like it melted on the knife.  My desire for one of these amazing looking cookies bolted to the front of my mind.

I looked at my watch and then realized it wasn't going to give the information that I was looking for so I opened my fasting apps and saw that I still had 30 minutes until my 18 hour fast was up.

I decided at that moment I was going to sample a cookie.  I didn't debate it.  I didn't contemplate whether or not I should have one.  I decided I was going to eat one.

The only thing that I did in concession, was tell myself that because I was going to sample this delicious looking treat, I would push my fast to 20 hours in compromise.

This was my mistake.

My Penance?

Stomach cramps and unplanned trips to the bathroom.  The cookie was amazingly delicious.  The chocolate melted in my mouth (and on my fingers) and I savored every scrumptious second I was eating them.  Then minutes later I had a conversation with my stomach that I would make better decisions in the future but he was already angry with me and raging against my machine.

Back in the day I had a cast iron stomach and could eat anything.  I've been living mostly clean for a month and now my stomach has decided it is lined with thin paper and will get angry when I start to divert back to my old ways.  In a way that is comforting because I know that if I get off track and start leaning towards unhealthy I am going to pay for it. 

If my motivation of losing weight and looking handsome and living longer for my children wasn't enough, the extra potty time should swing my decision making ability to the healthy side.

Tonight is my last night of overnights.  Tomorrow I have the day off and I will spend most of it awake wishing I was asleep.  I will push myself until the end of the day so that I can have an amazing 8 hours of sleep and get back to my normal routine.

There is a day coming up where I will partake in pizza, wings and booze so I'm preparing myself now.  I want to do a 24 hour fast.  I want to do a 36 hour fast.  I have a goal and weigh-in is 10 days away.  This week with my lack of sleep has been a complete wash as today I was at the exact same weight I was at when I got back from Vacation.  I need to make up for it this weekend and knock it out of the park so that the final week isn't a struggle.

To borrow from one of my favorite 80's movies of all time, "I want my Twenty dollars!"

Thank you all for coming along on this journey with me.
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