I failed September

September came and went and it ended up being a waste as far as weight loss is concerned.  The whole month came and went and here I sit mid way through October in some bad habits that I have literally watched myself reform with disinterest and lack of motivation to change it.

First was vacation and I took off the healthy eating 100%, and I think that was my biggest mistake.  You see, my previous vacation was full of bad eating and snacking but I was still sticking to most of my rules during the course of it.  I was still fasting and I was still trying to give myself some sort of portion control.  This past vacation was nothing like that.

This last vacation I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and as much as I wanted.  I got into my own head thinking that whatever harm I did here I could undo in a week once I was back at home.  Back at work.  Back at reality.   None of that happened.

What had happened was that once I got back I showed a little bit of self control and I lost the couple of pounds that I gained and then I went into two weeks of bloody hell called overnight shifts.

During these shifts I attempted to juggle fasting, eating healthy, completely changing my sleep/wake cycle and my mental ability to deal with everything.  I failed on all facets.

I had issues adjusting to my new sleep schedule and that led me to changes in my eating cycle which meant that not only was I eating before work during my normal eating times, but I would also eat during my overnight shifts.  This introduced upwards of double calories into my daily routine.

Then there was the issue of struggling to actually stay away during the shifts which threw me right back into an energy drink cycle that, as I sit here and tell you the honest truth, I still haven't broken even now that I'm back in a normal sleep routine.  Energy drinks got their hooks me in deep, again.

Also, I tried preparing my meals to take to work and over the course of the two weeks I failed at that and started eating garbage.  Fast food and junk food soon took over my eating patterns and as I type this I am looking at an open bag of chips knowing that I have dived into them today (and yesterday) and I think of all of my failures in the past month and I kind of want to scream.

Scream of rage at my own apathy as I watched myself lose focus and take the wrong turn down the road to garbage eating and no self control.

I am typing this because I need help.
I am typing this because I need to regain the life I put myself in control of during July and August.
I am typing this because I know the only way I will regain control is if I put that first foot forward again.

This is that first foot.
These are my first steps, again.
You, dear friends, will help motivate me.

Thank you all for coming along on this journey with me.
It is not always the smoothest path but I'm learning and I will get there.

 -FatManinVegas